Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
