I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
