Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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