how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
