I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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