i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
MIDGETS
????
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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