Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
