break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
