He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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