i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
