I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
