i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
operation have a gay friend backfired
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
