How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
