He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
