I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
