i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
His hands were made for my vagina.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
