I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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