i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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