apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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