Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
