I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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