Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
