Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
