Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
