Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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