I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
