I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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