you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
