im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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