went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
