after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
