is wine microwaveable?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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