So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
