i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
