Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
