My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
