Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
