youre lurking in front of me
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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