he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
