Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
