smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
