So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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