I wannas sexs uuuuu
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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