i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
