google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
