I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
