i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
dude. I can hear the air.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
