a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i came on her dog
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
