There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
