What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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