you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
